Junk Mail

 

We have no idea who you are or what services you have bought from anybody, but it's not for a lack of trying. We're just so far removed from the scumbag we actually bought the data from it's impossible to tell.

 

So we're sure you'll really like our product! You get:

 

• 13 issues of a magazine for the price of 22!
• Expert advice on Noun!
• Nouning advice on being an expert!
• Insurance for the safety of your family!
• Real estate tips for the beginner!
• Help us celebrate the grand opening of our new, expanded location!
• !!!

 

Just to confirm your interest and make it easy for you to try our product at a great financial loss to yourself, we've already filled in most of the information on this form for you, because through our long and storied relationship, we've come to know you this well:

 

Name: DimeBrothers Or Current Resident or Our Neighbors At

Social Security: 123-45-6789

DOB: 9-99-99

Most Recent Meal: Apple Jacks

Service Requested: To be forever indebted to this company

Service Term: Forever

 

No credit needed!

Free delivery!

Own in 12 months!

Flexible payment plans!