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NFL Preview 2016 - 5 Cents
Posted by: Paul Nichols

08 Sep 2016

 

Here’s a quickie menh NFL preview for the 2016 season. Teams are listed in their predicted finish in their division.

 

AFC East

 

New England Patriots – On top until proven otherwise. I barely have to edit this column from year to year thanks to good quarterbacks. Unfortunately, at some point this column does have to rate the teams in the AFC South. Anyway, three quarters of Tom Brady is all it'll take in this division. And Gronk.

 

Miami Dolphins – Steady as she goes for the Dolphins. Every year people think they'll be in contention. Except this year. So I'm hopping on the bandwagon. At least for second in this division.

 

Buffalo Bills – Still haven't made the playoffs since the 2nd millennium. Somehow finished with fewer wins last year than the year before. So which direction are they going? Still down. They won't make it to the playoffs this year, either, even with two blustery coaches.

 

New York Jets – Somehow went 10-6 last year and no one remembers. I've got them in last place.

 

AFC North

 

Pittsburgh Steelers – My continuing logic on Pittsburgh is that it’s an every-other-year kind of team. They got back on track two years ago by winning the division, which means even though they were good last year they couldn't have won it all. But that means this year they'll be amazing.

 

Cincinnati Bengals – They keep on making the playoffs and losing in the first round. Let's keep the theme going. On second thought. Let's get risky with my predictions. See below.

 

Cleveland Browns – RGIII!!!!!!!! Woooooo!!!

 

Baltimore Ravens – They let me down last year. They play hard. But I'mma get 'em back this year by putting them in last place.

 

AFC South

 

Houston Texans – Let's put the Houston Watts and the proset offense in first in this division. Watt has willed this team to 9 wins in each of the past two years.

 

Indianapolis Colts – It's close between the Watts and the Indianapolis Lucks on who takes this division. I'll give Houston the benefit of the doubt.

 

 

Tennessee Titans – [Autotext] It's a race for last between these guys and Jacksonville again. Who'll finish third in this division??? Oh, the excitement. Jacksonville feels like they'll take third again, but because the Titans are already in this spot in my text and I don't want to copy paste, I'll leave these two where they are.

 

Jacksonville Jaguars – 4th place finish due entirely to it being late and me being too lazy to switch the text around. They haven't finished last in this division the past three years, so that's something. They last had a winning record in 2007, and last won this division in 1999. Is Blaine Gabbert still at the helm? I looked it up. It's Blake Bortles. But you thought it was Blaine, right?

 

AFC West

 

Denver Broncos – I like the new quarterback Siemian. And this defense is saying all the right things in an effort to repeat last year's dominance. Let's go ahead and keep them in first.

 

Kansas City Chiefs – Biting at the heels of Denver and with the quarterback and running back play to get it done. This race will be close. And they'll make the playoffs.

 

Oakland Raiders – Actually looked good last year. That'll make this AFC West race the best one in football. Solid play out of these guys gets them to 9 wins but just outside the playoffs. On second thought...playoffs!!!

 

San Diego Chargers – Still in the doldrums of the whole "are we gonna even be playing in San Diego next year?" debate. Last place.

 

NFC East

 

New York Giants – I eenie-meenied these guys into first place.

 

Washington Redskins – Eenie-meenied into second place. Seems the most effective method in this division.

 

Philadelphia Eagles – Didn't need eenie-meenie on this one. With Romo injured the Eagles slip into third place.

 

Dallas Cowboys – The Dallas Romos cannot make the playoffs without their signature player.

 

NFC North

 

Green Bay Packers – Rodgers all by himself can get it done. They're always one injury away from a total meltdown of a season it seems. And the injury always happens in their receiving corps. 12-4.

 

Minnesota Vikings – Did you know the Vikings won this division last year with 11 wins? They can't do it again.

 

Detroit Lions – At least Detroit has a quarterback. But I don't think much else.

 

Chicago Bears – I'm not sure who's on this team.

 

NFC South

 

Carolina Panthers – I love me some Cam Newton. Had a great season last year that's impossible to replicate. But good enough to win this division.

 

New Orleans Saints – If the defense doesn't ever get better, how will they make the playoffs? What's that? They stole one of their players back from the Panthers? Alright then. Second place.

 

Tampa Bay Buccaneers – Is having Tampa third in this division the biggest risk I'm taking in my predictions? What if I write the word playoffs here?

 

Atlanta Falcons – I see them in last place. Not sure how they went 8-8 last year.

 

NFC West

 

Seattle Seahawks – I'm still upset about their playoff win from 6 seasons ago. Remember? When they won 7 games and hosted a playoff game?!? I think they'll finish first in this division. My spite is almost gone at this point, cause Russell Wilson. 13-3.

 

Arizona Cardinals – How in the world do the Cardinals keep improving? Won 10 three seasons ago, 11 two years ago, and 13 last year. This is the year they win fewer games. That video of their coach doing something stupid means there are fewer people rooting for them overall I think.

 

St. Louis Rams – Not enough fire power to get it done.

 

San Francisco 49ers – Dysfunction all around keeps them in the basement.

 

Playoffs

 

AFC 1st Round: New England, Pittsburgh, Denver, Houston, Kansas City, Oakland.

2nd Round: New England, Pittsburgh, Denver, Kansas City.

3rd Round: Pittsburgh, Kansas City.

 

NFC 1st Round: Green Bay, Carolina, Seattle, New York, New Orleans, Tampa Bay.

2nd Round: Green Bay, Carolina, Seattle, New Orleans.

3rd Round: Green Bay, Seattle.

 

Super Bowl: Pittsburgh over Green Bay.

 

Two of the teams I enjoy picking most in the Super Bowl. I'm two-for-six so far with predicting Super Bowl winners, having predicted Green Bay (Green Bay won), then New Orleans (the Giants of New York), then Green Bay (Baltimore), then Denver (Seattle won), then Denver (New England won), then Denver (Denver won). Good thing I've got a day job.

© 2016 Dime Brothers
Category: Sports    
 

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