You weren't expecting a new post, were you? 

The Mailbag - 5 Cents
Posted by: Mark Nichols

19 Dec 2006

As you can imagine, our mailboxes are overflowing with questions and comments, with many people just reaching out hoping to touch a thread of the fame that we here at Dime Brothers enjoy. First I'd like to mention that, due to the insanely high volume of mail that we receive, we cannot answer nor acknowledge every email that comes in (I mean, 5 emails over the course of a month - people, do you think I have that kind of time on my hands???). Second, it is high time that we give you the first ever Dime Brothers mailbag, full of your questions, full of my answers, and full of nonsense (let's just say that if our inboxes were compared to highways, you could fly down them at 120 mph 'cause there ain't no traffic clogging 'em).


Is Dime Brothers only going to have articles from Mark and Paul Nichols?

No. We reserve the right to have others post articles. Others may be one-time guest posters, or may post on a recurring basis.


Who is that Steve Black guy who "built" the website?

Steve is Mark's friend, who at a falsely pegged rate where 1 Venezuelan Bolivar equals 1 US Dollar, earned 4000 Bolivares putting in countless hours to build DimeBrothers.com (Steve - send me the bill. I still owe you that 2 dollars). In fact, we still have him locked up in a tiny basement cell, waiting for our future instructions on how to modify the site. We have carefully given him credit for building the site, since he has created a really cool backend that allows us to modify the site without knowing any code at all. The design of the site, however, is purely my fault.


When will you make improvements on the design?

We'll make design improvements on an ongoing basis. Maybe we'll make the front page more colorful, and/or maybe we'll add pictures or something. Maybe we'll add a button where if you accidentally hit it, money will be drawn from your savings automatically and deposited in an offshore account in the Caymans. Or maybe we'll add a lot of cool interactivity where you can answer neat little trivia games, listen to your favorite music, customize the photos you see, vote on your favorite articles, and create links to all your favorite friends who are also viewing the site. Or we could let the site fall into disrepair and let you all go back to MySpace.


Tell us about this Bandana Man character.

Okay! I created him in junior high school - I think it was the fall of 1991. It was somehow related to a guy on the cross country team wearing a bandana, but not sure how it came about. And it was only after creating the first 2 or 3 that I realized I was ripping off Batman. Commissioner Gordo? All it's missing is the "n" at the end. But "gordo" means fat in Spanish, so that's fun. And all the tools in the first comic that make no sense (e.g., Bando-tracker, invisible rope) but Bandana Man happens to have - it reminds me of the shark repellant that Batman so coincidentally had in the old TV show. As an FYI, Bandana Man No. 4 was actually started I'm guessing around 1997. I just finished it in December 2006. So my creative juices were on hold for awhile, a la the Calvin and Hobbes guy. Ten years to finish one comic? Hopefully I can quicken the pace to get the next one out!


Where's the merchandise???

We don't have t-shirts or bumper stickers yet for the site, but if you want to send in money anyway, just shoot us an email with all your sensitive account information and we'll be sure to hook you up with a signed piece of napkin or something.


I'm in jail, now. (It's related to spreading word about your site through coercion.) Can you help me out?

Next question.


I'm in jail, too...



I think it's cool that you have tag lines that change every time you refresh or click on a different page.

Thanks for noticing. The tag lines sometimes have their feelings hurt by not being noticed. We can have fun by adding new ones, deleting old ones, and choosing which ones are active in the random list. Your attention to these is greatly appreciated and will be even more so - once we bring in some advertising banners that earn us money every time they're reloaded.


I think the 2 cents quotes are cool, too. Where do you get them from?

A lot of them are stolen straight from ArcaMax publishing. We do, of course, give credit to the people who we're quoting. I have found some neat quotes in The Oxford Dictionary of Quotations. And if any of you have some quotes you'd like to share, you can email Paul N. I don't want to deal with that administrative nightmare. (We only ask that they be real quotes. Out of all the stuff that we make up, those quotes are actually real. To support me on this, I have a statement here from my friend Arnold Schwarzenegger: "If it bleeds, we can kill it." ... um, thanks Arnie. That's great.)


Where's the Arnold quote from?

It's from Predator. I did a search on that inter-highway thingy and found it.


Where'd the idea for a mailbag come from?

It was stolen from The Sports Guy on Page 2 of ESPN.com. Except that he gets enough emails to actually answer real questions.


Give me an idea of what you're shooting for with this site? What's its purpose?

Haven't you read the "About" page yet? [Click, Exhale.] Well, we're trying to be smart and funny. Enlightening and stuff. And we just added a little message board, too, so others could chime in with their thoughts. We only ask that you keep it clean. We have delete privileges and we're not afraid to use them!


Can't you guys post more often? I'm really trying to become an addict, but you're not feeding the addiction enough!

Yes we could, but we're already dangerously close to being fired from our jobs. But if you can get out of prison soon, and spread the word about our site again using some more of that coercion and graft stuff you're familiar with, we'll soon be able to support ourselves off of this site alone. Then we'll post more. Until then, you can look forward to posts just about every time you're allowed to see daylight and shower.

© 2006 Dime Brothers
Category: Uncategorized    

Reader Comments:

I don't think we are fooling anyone with the first installment of The Mailbag... We're fooling EVERYONE! (That wasn't funny, but I'm too lazy to erase it.)
19 Dec 2006
Paul "Guest Dime" Best 

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