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Not Just Our Two Cents 

Posting Etiquette - 5 Cents
Posted by: Mark Nichols

12 Jul 2008


[Warning: annoying hypothetical article intro]

 

You've begun exploring the superhighway internets and now realize that there are many opportunities for posting your own comments after articles or on forums. Many websites (including ESPN) even feature selected comments so that you can become a mini-celebrity for your 15 minutes (or seconds) of fame. But what is considered appropriate posting behavior? How can you excel in this world of commenting? Here are some things to remember:

 

1) First!

Are you the first person to stumble onto the article? What luck! Let the world know by posting the comment "first." That way, all will be able to worship your speed and web-agility. If you're the second person to find the article, you could always post "second." Being in the top 10 is still admirable, especially if you expect there to be hundreds of comments.

 

2) Tons of Posts

It's quantity, not quality. When you find a thread or article you enjoy, make sure to post numerous comments, responding to others and making assumptions about what they really meant. This will lengthen the conversation and provide you more opportunities to post. If the site you're on keeps track, you'll soon be regarded as an expert because of the quantity of your comments. You can even speed up the process by hitting the "refresh" button every time after you post. On many sites this action will automatically re-post what you just wrote. That way, your "first" comment will be shown a zillion times instead of just once. Rubbing it in the rest of the world's face that they're second shouldn't cause any hard feelings - it'll just make their worship of you all that more easy to do.

 

3) Wasting Time

Make sure to post a comment stating something like: "Posting here is a waste of time. Shouldn't the person who wrote this and everyone who is commenting be out helping orphans or something?" This will remind everyone that there are more important things in the world to deal with than reading articles and posting comments. (You, of course, do not need such reminding, but out of the goodness of your heart, you have taken it upon yourself to dive into this sordid world of posting in order to lift others up.)

 

4) !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Nothing will carry your message home better than rampant use of exclamation points! For extra credit, you could even throw in poor spelling so that people will realize it's the content of your message that's important - that you just don't have the time to worry about dotting those I's or crossing those T's. There are people's lives at stake here!

 

5) "Bump"

Bring up my post. Make a comment solely to bring up a thread that you started, or that you think needs more attention (sometimes the thread will get moved to the top of the page). Get around pesky bump restrictions by actually making an insightful remark such as "Thoughts?" This will show the world how sensitive you are to open dialogue. This will in no way reveal what an egocentric maniac you are in wanting your comments or thread to gain more attention.

 

These tips should get you started. You'll soon be an expert in the world of posting.

© 2008 Dime Brothers
Category: How To    

Reader Comments:

First
 
First
12 Jul 2008
Scott Bianco 
Etiquette??
 
I is the winner.
12 Jul 2008
Scott Bianco 
Etiquette
 
46th.
12 Jul 2008
Mark 
Delete
 
I took the libery of deleting comments 3 through 45, which all said the same thing as comment number 2.

I'd still like to take the time to acknowledge the dedication of Scott, and his commitment to the principles of this article.
12 Jul 2008
Mark 
Delete this.
 
Can you delete them faster that I post them.
12 Jul 2008
Scott 
BTW
 
In the time you waste deleting my post you could be oat http://www.thehungersite.com clicking to feed they hanger. Geez you know there are really people in need in the worlds so stop being so concerned about earing your own 5 cnets.
12 Jul 2008
Hunger  
Delete
 
I deleted another 50 or so posts that said the same thing as "Detele this. Can you delete them faster that I post them."

Good work, Scott.
13 Jul 2008
Mark 
Promotion
 
I also forgot to mention that shameless promotion is a key to good posting.

...

Make sure to visit http://www.DimeBrothers.com !!!
23 Jul 2008
Mark 
Example
 
Just read an article about a serial killer in LA, and the first comment was from a guy named Todd:

"Yay! I'm number one. Oh yeah, sad to hear about the dead people."

Classic message board irreverence thrown in with a variation of "First!"

There was one reply to Todd's comment: lol

I have to admit to a little loling, too.
17 Dec 2010
Mark 

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